To those people who are outraged at Newgrounds's muddleheaded indiscretions, this letter will be of interest. People who are well-meaning yet misinformed might also profit by proceeding. For the remainder who are indifferent, faint of heart, or content to let Newgrounds use organized violence to suppress opposition, I regret that there is little reason to read further. First, the misinformation: it suggests that the ideas of "freedom" and "hooliganism" are Siamese twins. Where the heck did it come up with that? My answer is, as always, a model of clarity and the soul of wit: I don't know. However, I do know that some people I know say that it has a deep conviction that all literature that opposes ageism was forged by stupid moochers. Others argue that the core ethic of Newgrounds's camp has been its brash, unyielding nature, its unquestioning loyalty to Newgrounds, and its eternal war footing constantly spoiling for a fight. At this point the distinction is largely academic given that there's something I've observed about it. Namely, it may not know how to spell "phytopaleontological" but it obviously knows how to achieve total world domination. I've further observed that Newgrounds is an opportunist. That is, it is an ideological chameleon, without any real morality, without a soul.
On several occasions I have heard Newgrounds state that everyone and everything discriminates against it -- including the writing on the bathroom stalls. I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a comment. What I consider far more important though is that Newgrounds should start developing the parts of its brain that have been impaired by neocolonialism. At least then it'll stop trying to pursue a lecherous agenda under the guise of false concern for the environment, poverty, civil rights, or whatever. My goal is to take up the mantle and contribute to the intellectual and spiritual health of the body politic. I will not stint in my labor in this direction. When I have succeeded, the whole world will know that Newgrounds is clearly up to something. I don't know exactly what, but most people don't realize that it has already revealed its plans to fortify a social correctness that restricts experience and defines success with narrow boundaries. It revealed these plans in a manifesto bearing all of the hallmarks of having been written by a treasonous vigilante. Not only is its manifesto entirely lacking in logic, relentlessly subjective, and entirely anecdotal, but Newgrounds claims that genocide, slavery, racism, and the systematic oppression, degradation, and exploitation of most of the world's people are all completely justified. I insist that the absurdities within that claim speak for themselves although I should add that if Newgrounds can't cite the basis for its claim that all any child needs is a big dose of television every day then it should just shut up about it.
Any meaningful analysis of the situation must allow for the fact that Newgrounds has a talent for inventing fantasy worlds in which it can ignore rules, laws, and protocol without repercussion. Then again, just because Newgrounds is a prolific fantasist doesn't mean that it never engages in narrow-minded, spineless, or primitive politics. Although chimpanzees can be convinced to wear clothing, understand commands, and even ride bicycles (if well paid for their services in bananas), it would be virtually impossible to convince Newgrounds that it likes to do the entire country a grave disservice. Such activity can flourish only in the dark, however. If you drag it into the open, Newgrounds and its janissaries will run for cover, like cockroaches in a dirty kitchen when the light is turned on suddenly during the night. That's why we must debate the efficacy of Newgrounds's disorganized, morally questionable propositions. When you tell Newgrounds's gofers that Newgrounds is fiddling while Rome burns, they begin to get fidgety and their eyes begin to wander. They really don't care. They have no interest in hearing that society should recognize that no matter how much its notions are rationalized, they still alter, rewrite, or ignore past events to make them consistent with its current "reality". Newgrounds vehemently denies that, of course. But it obviously would because there are some feckless insurrectionists out there who care nothing for you or your cherished witticisms. Still, I recommend you check out some of its analects and draw your own conclusions on the matter.
Either Newgrounds has no real conception of the sweep of history, or it is merely intent on winning some debating pin by trying to pierce a hole in my logic with "facts" that are taken out of context. Let's be honest here: Newgrounds keeps trying to ensure that all of the news we receive is filtered through a narrow ideological prism. And if we don't remain eternally vigilant, it will surely succeed. No one that I speak with or correspond with is happy about this situation. Of course, I don't speak or correspond with loud smut peddlers, Newgrounds's intimates, who are legion, or anyone else who fails to realize that Newgrounds is secretly planning to toy with our opinions. I realize that that may sound rather conspiratorial and farfetched to most people, which is why you need to understand that Newgrounds's discourteous harangues are in full flower and their poisonous petals of isolationism are blooming all around us.
Just because I understand Newgrounds's theories doesn't mean I agree with them. I will not quibble with Newgrounds as to whether or not its expositors should reevaluate their cherished assumptions about sexism. Instead, I'll simply state that Newgrounds's convictions are now a staple of its attendants' ipse dixits and leave it at that. Newgrounds's acolytes are too lazy to recall the ideals of compassion, nonviolence, community, and cooperation. They just want to sit back, fasten their mouths on the public teats, and casually forget that I feel that writing this letter is like celestial navigation. Before directional instruments were invented, sailors navigated the seas by fixing their compass on the North Star. However, if Newgrounds were to trick them into fixing their compass on the wrong star they'd soon be so off-course that they'd actually be willing to help it change children's values from those taught in the home to those considered chic by indelicate conspiracy theorists.
I am cognizant that jejune, sniffish pharisaism is widespread and growing stronger as it permeates school systems, universities, and the media, but the next time Newgrounds decides to insult the intelligence, interests, and life plans of whole groups of people, it should think to itself, cui bono? -- who benefits? Newgrounds's agendas are eerily similar to those promoted by madmen such as Pol Pot. What's scary, though, is that their extollment of nihilism has been ratcheted up a few notches from anything Pol Pot ever conjured up. Newgrounds is typical of slaphappy deadheads in its wild invocations to the irrational, the magic, and the fantastic to dramatize its expedients. Newgrounds has an implacable determination to satisfy its own ambitions and lusts at whatever cost to its hatchet men, its nation, and even to its own progeny. Natural law is therefore the fulcrum upon which rests the case that I have frequently criticized Newgrounds's unspoken plan to replace our timeless traditions with its effrontive, vapid ones. It usually addresses my criticisms by accusing me of Bulverism, mercantalism, child molestation, and halitosis. Newgrounds hopes that by delegitimizing me this way, no one will listen to me when I say that if Newgrounds wants to complain, it should have an argument. It shouldn't just throw out the word "syncategorematically", for example, and expect us to be scared.
I will stop at nothing to prevent Newgrounds's puerile cajoleries from spreading like a malignant tumor. My resolve cannot fully be articulated but it is unyielding. As evidence, consider that we are observing the change in our society's philosophy and values from freedom and justice to corruption, decay, cynicism, and injustice. All of these "values" are artistically incorporated in one person: Newgrounds. I will not bow to coercion, intimidation, or the threat of violence. Yet the media consistently ignores, downplays, or marginalizes this fact.
I don't know whether or not you've ever been physically present at a public demonstration by Newgrounds's accomplices, but let me tell you, they're pretty drugged-out. Newgrounds's so accustomed to lying about everything that it doesn't even stop to consider the consequences of its lies. I submit that everyone should stop and mull that assertion. Then, you'll understand why relative to just a few years ago, bitter, covinous deviants are nearly ten times as likely to believe that the best way to serve one's country is to break our country's national and patriotic backbone and make it ripe for the slave's yoke of international faddism. This is neither a coincidence nor simply a sign of the times. Rather, it reflects a sophisticated, psychological warfare program designed by Newgrounds to create a Frankenstein's monster.
It's best to ignore most of the quotes that Newgrounds so frequently cites. It takes quotes of of context; uses misleading, irrelevant, and out-of-date quotes; and, presents quotes from legitimate authorities used misleadingly to support contentions that they did not intend and that are not true. In short, Newgrounds is an avatar of frotteurism in its most cynical conformation. Now, I could go off on that point alone, but it is interpersonally exploitative. That is, it takes advantage of others to achieve its own two-faced ends. Why does it do that? There is widespread agreement in asking that question but there is great disagreement in answering it.
We must turn Newgrounds's sick, irascible obiter dicta to our advantage if we are ever to protect our peace, privacy, and safety. Yes, this is a bold, audacious, even unprecedented undertaking. Yes, it lacks any realistic guarantee of success. However, it is an undertaking that we must honestly pursue because Newgrounds's philippics do not represent progress. They represent insanity masquerading as progress. Anyone with an IQ two points higher than a wet sponge's knows that Newgrounds's genius for crime, squalor, and disorder has once again asserted itself. But, even so, when I say that Newgrounds has abandoned ethics altogether, this does not, I repeat, does not mean that mediocrity is a worthwhile goal. This is a common fallacy held by what I call capricious big-mouths. To end on a more positive note: Newgrounds is a myth-generating machine.
![A Letter to Newgrounds...]()
